In Defense Of Paris Hilton
Did any of you Paris haters actually see that video her boyfriend made of her? Well, I did and I can tell you this: She may not be a saint, but she didn't exactly come off as a whore, either. Yes, you heard me. Paris Hilton is no whore. Is she a rich, prissy, spoiled little brat living one hell of a cushy life of arrested adolescence? Certainly. Maybe that's why everybody and his fucking grandmother gives a shit about what happens to her. We envy her. I know I do.
And I believe that she got a pretty raw deal on this jail sentence in the first place, too. Why, I personally know somebody who just did forty-five days in county lockup and it was his third DUI in five years. I think he might even have had a probation violation or two along the way himself.
It has been argued by many in the media that somebody as rich as Paris is should have a driver and a limo at all times whenever she's out on the town partying. Obviously those folks have never felt the wind in their hair at eighty while rolling down the Pacific Coast Highway behind the wheel of a luxury convertible in the moonlight. Being buzzed enhances that feeling. Trust me.
Back to the video, though. When it comes to the actual sex acts involved, there was nothing particularly shocking about what she and this scumbag boyfriend of hers did. Yours truly (along with almost everybody else in the free world, by the way) has been in the same exact position(s) at some point. Only difference between that Rick guy and me is... Number One: I didn't have a camera rolling, Number Two: My partner wasn't Paris Hilton (I'm really more of a brunette kind of guy - but I wouldn't kick Paris out of bed for eating crackers, either, if you know what I mean.), and Number Three: I'm not packing as much heat as that lucky bastard is.
That being said, I'm sure a lot of you, both male and female, are in the very same boat, either pitching or catching as the case may be. I'd venture to guess that there's hundreds of video tapes that are far sicker than hers hidden in shoe boxes in the backs of closets all over America. And one of those closets just might be in your Mom's house. So no stone throwing, people.
It's also been reported that her folks made a generous donation to that Sheriff's campaign chest, which prompted the preferential treatment on his part. Okay, that happens to sicken me too, but that's just the way this fucking country works. George W. and his Dick have been raping our economy and lining their pockets with special interest dough for almost eight years. That's two fucking terms! And many of you fools out there who hate Paris Hilton voted those bastards in a second time! Wake up!
So, to sum up... Paris Hilton is not, I repeat, not a whore. That Sheriff is just another good ol' boy working his way up the political ladder. And I am not, I repeat, not a Republican.
In fact, next presidential election I'm going to write in Nicole Richie. No shit.
Did any of you Paris haters actually see that video her boyfriend made of her? Well, I did and I can tell you this: She may not be a saint, but she didn't exactly come off as a whore, either. Yes, you heard me. Paris Hilton is no whore. Is she a rich, prissy, spoiled little brat living one hell of a cushy life of arrested adolescence? Certainly. Maybe that's why everybody and his fucking grandmother gives a shit about what happens to her. We envy her. I know I do.
And I believe that she got a pretty raw deal on this jail sentence in the first place, too. Why, I personally know somebody who just did forty-five days in county lockup and it was his third DUI in five years. I think he might even have had a probation violation or two along the way himself.
It has been argued by many in the media that somebody as rich as Paris is should have a driver and a limo at all times whenever she's out on the town partying. Obviously those folks have never felt the wind in their hair at eighty while rolling down the Pacific Coast Highway behind the wheel of a luxury convertible in the moonlight. Being buzzed enhances that feeling. Trust me.
Back to the video, though. When it comes to the actual sex acts involved, there was nothing particularly shocking about what she and this scumbag boyfriend of hers did. Yours truly (along with almost everybody else in the free world, by the way) has been in the same exact position(s) at some point. Only difference between that Rick guy and me is... Number One: I didn't have a camera rolling, Number Two: My partner wasn't Paris Hilton (I'm really more of a brunette kind of guy - but I wouldn't kick Paris out of bed for eating crackers, either, if you know what I mean.), and Number Three: I'm not packing as much heat as that lucky bastard is.
That being said, I'm sure a lot of you, both male and female, are in the very same boat, either pitching or catching as the case may be. I'd venture to guess that there's hundreds of video tapes that are far sicker than hers hidden in shoe boxes in the backs of closets all over America. And one of those closets just might be in your Mom's house. So no stone throwing, people.
It's also been reported that her folks made a generous donation to that Sheriff's campaign chest, which prompted the preferential treatment on his part. Okay, that happens to sicken me too, but that's just the way this fucking country works. George W. and his Dick have been raping our economy and lining their pockets with special interest dough for almost eight years. That's two fucking terms! And many of you fools out there who hate Paris Hilton voted those bastards in a second time! Wake up!
So, to sum up... Paris Hilton is not, I repeat, not a whore. That Sheriff is just another good ol' boy working his way up the political ladder. And I am not, I repeat, not a Republican.
In fact, next presidential election I'm going to write in Nicole Richie. No shit.
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