On a recent trip to L.A. I went into a 7-ll for beer. While grabbing a tall Tecate I noticed a bizarre can just to the left of it which turned out to be a new product by Budweiser that combines Clamato and Bud with a hint of salt and lime. 'La Combinacion Perfecta' is how the label described it and apparently it's popular in the Latin American community. It's even available in a light version, although I can't figure out why you would bother. When was the last time you saw a Mexican drinking light beer?
Now, I'm a big fan of tomato juice (even without the vodka it works wonders on a hangover) and clams (raw, cooked or bearded) are one of my favorite bivalve mollusks. Lime is good (the absolute best Jello flavor) and who doesn't like salt? But I don't think I'd like it all mixed in with my beer in a brown paper bag to go, thank-you. How fucking lazy can you get? If you like tomato juice in your beer, sit your ass down and mix it yourself. I'm not sure how clams get involved, but they already make a juice that combines tomato and clam (duh, it's called 'Clamato'...and by the way, do they squeeze the clams?) so use that if you're so inclined. Salt? Okay, salt the fucking beer if you want to. Granddad salted his. A twist of lime is a nice touch that I enjoy myself.
Not to be outdone, Miller has recently begun making its own combo beer called 'Chill' which adds lime and salt in an effort to compete with Corona, an average beer that does well thanks to clever ads and a clear bottle. Somebody I know who has tried the 'Chill' described it as “not really all that offensive”. If that's not damned by faint praise, I don't know what is.
I even noticed a bag of tortilla chips at the supermarket recently that had the salsa flavor built right in. What's next, jars of salsa with the chip flavor added?
Rumor has it that Coors is test marketing a beer that combines their Silver Bullet with urine for all those freaks out there who get off on the taste of piss. 'Golden Bullet' will be sold exclusively in San Francisco and New York and the company looks to expand into other markets as demand for the product increases.
Surreality Television
Okay, I admit it. I don't have cable television. No dish, no nothing, just plain old broadcast TV. The kind you snag out of the air with a set of rabbit ears. So maybe the reality show phenomenon affects me more than it does most people. Sometimes six out of the eight stations I get are showing some kind of so-called reality show, and the other two are PBS and Univision. You want to know what reality really is, folks? A baseball game. The news. That's real. The rest of this shit is just, well...shit.
And now we have not one, but two programs that show fools trying to remember lyrics to popular songs while competing for cash prizes. 'Don't Forget The Lyrics' on FOX and NBC's 'Singing Bee' are both considered huge hits for the summer, scoring big ratings in that lazy young demographic that buys flavored beers and salsa flavored tortilla chips, the 18-49 year olds. As a member of that coveted demographic (albeit I fall at the high end of the age range) I tried to watch one or the other of the shows just once and couldn't make it past the first round. The competitors took turns singing along with a group of average musicians until the music stopped and they had to remember the next line. After four of them failed in a row, I'd heard the first three bars of Blondie's “Heart Of Glass” four times, played and sung badly four times. It was even sadder for me than when Iggy ruined “Lust For Life” by letting ad agencies use it to sell cars and credit cards.
I had to watch some porn in order to wash the whole experience from my psyche. Thank god I've got one of those nifty VCR-DVD combo players. Now that's what I call 'La Combinacion Perfecta'!
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