almost okay

Don't get me started on Halloween.

Since when did it become a holiday? And since when did we celebrate it for a full two months prior to the 31st of October, decorating the front yard with cheap, plastic Chinese junk - from giant inflatable jack-o'-lanterns to strings of orange and green lights that run up the light bill and rival the most intense outdoor Christmas display?

I'll tell you when... Since retailers decided that it was the second biggest merchandising opportunity this side of Jesus Christ's birthday. That's when. All over America, Spirit Halloween Superstores spring up in late August only to fold up tent in November after moving billions of dollars worth of costumes, candy and crap to consumers, their temporary fluorescent banners being replaced yet again by FOR LEASE signs once the evil holiday has passed.

It's almost as if Wal Mart, K-Mart and Target want to extend the Christmas shopping season all the way back to late Summer. Why, last year I remember seeing a pair of adjacent houses in one of the suburbs here in early November, one decorated for Halloween and the other decked out in Christmas lights with plastic candy canes pushed into the muddy lawn.

Don't get me wrong, though. I love Halloween and used to look forward to it with wild anticipation as a kid. It was all the stuff that I liked rolled up into a single day... horror movies, monsters, scary stories, candy and mischief. Let's not forget the mischief. Back then the celebration lasted just a day or two, but the spirit of Halloween lived year round on local television thanks to the horror movie hosts - grown men dressed up like ghouls and vampires who emceed television broadcasts of monster movies. Giggling their way through lame bits that were sillier than they were scary, these hosts would perform briefly before and after commercial breaks and sometimes during the movie itself.

John Zacherle was one of the first and best of the lot. Originating in his home town of Philadelphia during the late fifties, Zach practically defined the horror host, developing a huge fan base before moving to New York and on to syndication. Known originally as Roland (pronounced Ro-LAND), Zach's character eventually adopted his own last name of Zacherley, the 'y' added to make the pronunciation easier, his costume a surplus grave digger's coat he inherited from the wardrobe of a locally broadcast Western-themed show in which he had appeared as an extra.

Nicknamed the 'Cool Ghoul' by buddy Dick Clark, Zacherley eventually tried his hand at novelty recordings, his first big hit being 'Dinner With Drac'. Rumor has it that Clark wouldn't play the song on his own 'American Bandstand' show because of too raw content, so Zach cut a version more suitable for airplay and the single took off, cracking the top ten. His initial recording success led to a series of LPs, today's featured album 'Monster Mash', from 1962, being the second he recorded for the Cameo Parkway label. It features Zach's version of Bobby 'Boris' Pickett's famous 'Monster Mash' along with a bunch of satirical takes on popular songs of the day ('Let's Twist Again' and 'The Pistol Stomp') plus his own 'Dinner With Drac'.

My copy is a reissue on Wyncote from the mid-sixties and is in excellent condition. Original Parkway discs in similar shape go for fifty to sixty bucks, but I think I only paid three for this one. Of course, the cover is worth as much as the disc is to me, suitable for framing with a slick illustration and some bloody lettering. Speaking of blood... when Zach first started his broadcasts in Philly, the show was seen only in black and white, so all the special effects blood they used to make severed heads and body parts look more real was actually... chocolate sauce!

Naturally, we had our own horror host here in the Detroit area. Sir Graves Ghastly dressed like a vampire and showed all the Universal Studios monster movies over and over again... 'Frankenstein', 'Dracula', 'The Mummy'... as a kid I never grew tired of them. And as a kid I always enjoyed Halloween, right up until the time when that first evil bastard pushed a razor blade into an apple.

It's been all down hill since then.