almost okay

All I did last weekend was sleep. No writing, very little drinking (one more shaky red X on the calendar for June) and NO work whatsoever. Want to know why? Because for the past two weeks all I've been doing is working. Ten, twelve, fourteen hours a day and then some. Work work work.

I've come to the conclusion that I'm sick to fucking death of working. My Uncle Dick did it right when he hired into a tool and die place at age eighteen back in the heyday of the automotive industry. With a policy of 'thirty-and-out' he was retired by age forty-eight. Forty-eight, people.

The only place you can get perks like that these days is working for the government! Make the Army your career! Do more before eight in the freakin' morning than most people do all day long. Then retire just in time to go to college. If you live long enough!

Hey, I work to live NOT the other way around! And, yes, I am complaining. What're you gonna do, fire me? Good luck with that! I'm self-employed! I quit!

No, really, though. I'll never be able to retire. I picture myself working the counter at McDonald's when I'm in my seventies, pushing that Big Mac button on the register with a crooked and numb index finger, the dust in my throat making it nearly impossible to squeak out the words “May I help you, sir?” to the grinning, twenty-something little prick who just bellied up to the counter with his girlfriend.

“Two Number Ones and an extra order of fries... That comes to twenty-nine-fifty, sir. Would you care for one of our hot apple pies?”

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Another thing that irks me is the condition of the roads here in the Detroit metro area. I defy you to drive anywhere in this god-forsaken hellhole without encountering long-term road repairs. You can't cross fucking town without figuring in an extra hour for sitting in a traffic jam. The biggest headache is an ongoing project on I-75 at the Ambassador Bridge that won't be finished for two years. Yes, you read that right: TWO FUCKING YEARS! How the hell am I supposed to get to Mexican Village? Helicopter?

I was in Buffalo for work last week and aside from a few lane closures here and there I saw almost nothing. Even the turnpike was relatively free of orange barrels.

The sobering thing is, the roads in Detroit really do need the repairs. After a winter of cobbled patches and cracked and heaving asphalt, you can barely drive over the ones that aren't closed without chipping your teeth. I'm told it's because we have the nation's highest load limits for truck transport, which puts undue pressure on the pavement during the spring thaw.

I don't really care what causes our constant skeleton-rattling road conditions. I just know that I'm sick to fucking DEATH of driving over them. SICK OF IT!

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And lastly for today... I know you miss the porn reviews and I'm doing my best to keep up, watching as many as possible and making careful notes so I can bring you the straight poop on the best of the best. As you probably remember, I've tapped into the 'Mature' section on Ebay as a resource for many early vintage movies, mostly on VHS, but the buying has become increasingly difficult due to skyrocketing selling prices.

So let me share the vital stats on a few recently auctioned items that I had my beady eyes on but was unable to get my sweaty hands on...

First up is 'Salt and Pepper', a vintage interracial compilation starring Shanna ('Fleshdance') Evans, Desiree West and Linda Wong. I recognized the box (that's Angel Kelly on the cover) and remember renting this one from a Hamtramck video store back when it came out in 1986.

Here's the seller's blurb:

The Box and Video are in Near Mint condition! Cast: Shanna Evans, Linda Wong, Desiree West, John Holmes, Karen Summer, Chelsea Manchester, Sahara, Sandra Martin, Don Hart, Marc Wallice.

Guess how much this one sold for. No, go ahead guess. Uh-uh, way too low. This baby garnered 33 bids and sold for an unbelievable $147.05! That's right, there's a fucking one in front of that four! Is this a snuff movie or something? I'm sorry, but I just don't get it.

Next we have 'Natural Pleasures', another vintage tape from 1988, this time starring my favorite girl Nina DePonca. Pretty innocuous, eh?

The same Ebay seller's description:

The Box and Video are in Excellent condition!
Cast: Aja, Nina DePonco (sic), Stephanie Rage, David Elliot, Sasha Gabor.

After ten bids, this one sold for $94.86! Plus shipping!

I gave up after the bidding hit ten bucks on both of these items. Who the fuck can afford to spend over a hundred dollars for one lousy porn video? Quentin Tarantino?! Yeah, I'll bet it's fucking Quentin Tarantino, that sick, perverted fuck.