Friday, August 31, 2007

My Dear Lyzako,

The last day of this god-forsaken month is starting out nicely so far. The sun is high, the air is crisp and I managed to get a full eight hours of relatively deep sleep with a cool breeze blowing over me and crickets singing in my ears. One funny dream I had involved washing the tiny live severed heads of dogs and it leaves me puzzled yet this morning. They told me to turn them over and scratch their throats as I wiped away the dirt from their fur. When I did so, the cute little dogheads relaxed and licked out with their tongues in rhythm as I scratched. I seem to recall another pile of shrunken live heads of Native American warriors complete with headbands and feathers, shiny black braided hair. They were shy and kept their eyes closed most of the time.

Being banned from The Bar is not altogether a bad thing for me it seems, and I might just have backed into the very means necessary to save what little is left of my sanity and health (not to mention at least ten bucks last night - in tip money alone!). Louis treated me to a burger at Another Bar and I had only two to wash it down, came back home and plowed through a couple chapters of my current read, 'White Doves at Morning' by James Lee Burke, fell out around ten. I woke up this morning feeling better than I have since I was in grade school, motivated and ready to attack my day. “Seize it!” to paraphrase both you and Saul Bellow.

The Tracksy numbers indicate that most of the folks I upset have probably seen the apology and I'm going to get back on with blogging (minus the use of real names and locations, of course). I've learned an important lesson. Let's not forget that all of this is fictional, including my missives to you, and the thought processes of one Marty Sherman are often fabricated and exaggerated beyond the bounds of taste for effect. The ranks of the Almost Okay readers swelled from 13 on Tuesday (including myself and you) to 29(!) in a matter of twenty-four hours after my local ad campaign and the fallout that ensued. Yesterday that number dwindled to 16 (again, including the two of us - and sometimes I get listed more than once because of my cheap dial-up service which jumps from server to server). Today the projection is for a mere 7. Ah, my faithful few. Hi Mom!

Monday this week was protest night in Ferndalia. You remember... the night when the hippies hold up their anti-war signs on the corner of Woodwierd and Nine, cause the horns of passersby to honk, thereby upsetting the semi-automatic-rifle-toting Ferndalia Gestapo, who it would seem must be instructed to vote straight-line Republican. No horn blowing in our neighborhood, ya hear? Support Our Troops! I was in the good graces of The Bars at that time and was making my way across M-1 when I saw one funny sign being held up by a young girl wearing a backless summer blouse, sunglasses and long dark hair, tight blue jeans. It read: 'QUAGMIRE ACCOMPLISHED!' Thinking it was clever and wondering idly if I might enjoy participating in the demonstration (especially in light of seeing that beautiful young lady holding her sign), I started thinking what I could print on my very own as protest. The first thing that came to mind was: 'KILL THEM AND EAT THEM!' Of course, that would land me in jail at some point, I suppose. Maybe even in a Federal Prison. We all know that Republicans are severely lacking in the sense of humor department.

I decided to forgo the demonstration in favor of The Bar and, well, you know the rest.

The Jazz Festival here in Detroit has me excited this weekend. Herbie Hancock, Mavis Staples, Dave Brubek's Mummy and Modeski, Martin & Wood along with John Scofield are the headliners. ? and the Mysterians are also shedding 96 Tears at the Hamtown Fest on Saturday night. I'm looking forward to it. The sunshine is forecast to be abundant with highs around eighty, lows around sixty. It's my idea of heavenly weather as Summer slips away in favor of my favorite time of year... Autumn.

Speaking of which, I do have one tiny complaint to mar this otherwise glowing missive: I was driving north on Woodweird last weekend and spied some banners tied to an old vacant store in Royal Hoax, instantly transforming it into 'The Halloween Store'. Since when did we start celebrating Halloween more than two full MONTHS prior to the day on which it falls?! I was shocked. I guess I shouldn't be, though. We both know that the world is getting uglier by the minute. I'll take it with a grain of salt, but I still try to avert my eyes when I drive by it. Back in the days of Sir Graves Ghastly Halloween used to be one of my favorite times of year, but the rules of CAPITALISM and GREED have caused the cheap plastic Chinese junk to come flowing in early, and I often see giant blow up pumpkins tethered to lawns in my neighborhood well before the end of September.

Seize your day as well!

Regards,
Marty Sherman

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