almost okay

Okay, folks, let me sum it up for you: The Republicans think that we are all so dumb (especially you women out there) that we will accept John McCain's surprise pick for Vice President, Alaska Governor Sarah Palin, as a thoughtful choice that takes into consideration her many skills as a leader and her vast (two years) experience as a governor. Since Hillary didn't get the nod from Barack, they think a certain percentage of us (again, you women out there) will vote the Republican ticket just because Palin is a woman and it's about goddamned time someone without a penis made it to the White House.

I ask you... Is that a good enough reason?

This pathetic ploy to make the Republican Party look more 'progressive' than the Democrats is just that. Selecting Palin to be next-in-line to run the world's largest democracy in the somewhat likely event that John McCain dies during his first term is an example of the kind of shallow political tactic that should immediately tell all of you who are on the fence as to which way to vote in November to run like hell for the other side!

By the way, I hope I don't piss anybody off, but if you are still undecided between McCain and Obama at this point, you are either a BIGOT or an IDIOT, and you shouldn't even be ALLOWED to vote!

Imagine...

A seventy-two-year-old John McCain becomes President and develops terminal brain cancer three years into his first term. Then recently-divorced, forty-five-year-old Sarah Palin, mother of six and three months pregnant with her seventh 'gift from God' (courtesy of John Edwards this time) takes over. Does that sound alright to you?

I know, I know... I'm exaggerating. I admit it. It's what I do. They told me in AA that we alcoholics all tend to play out the 'worst case scenario' in our heads. It helps us rationalize our drinking. But believe me there won't be enough beer in the world if anything close to what I've described above takes place. And even if you're a teetotaler, you'll need a drink. Trust me.

And trust is exactly what John McCain expects us to do, only this time we're supposed to trust his judgment. You decide. Here's a short list of Sarah Palin's 'accomplishments'...

-They had to go all they way back to high school basketball to prove that she's a go-getter. Palin was nicknamed 'Sarah Barracuda' because of not only her fiery on-court play, but because of her rabid enthusiasm in leading the team prayer prior to the games. She's a 'Barracuda of Prayer' as it turns out. Whatever happened to the separation between church and state?

-The former 'Miss Congeniality' and 'Miss Wasilla' was runner-up in the 1984 'Miss Alaska' beauty pageant, where she won a scholarship that allowed her to study at the prestigious institutions of Hawaii Pacific College and North Idaho College before earning her B.S. in Communications/Journalism from the University of Idaho in 1987. Sure, her creds are a little stronger than my B.F.A. from Western Michigan via Jackson Community College, but not all that much. At least I got my scholarship by passing a test that proved I was smart.

-She began her 'career' as a sports reporter in Anchorage before becoming mayor of Wasilla, garnering a whopping 909 votes.

-A former member of the Alaskan Independence Party (whose platform calls for Alaska to secede from the rest of the U.S.), Palin supported blowhard Pat Buchanan for president in 1996.

-Palin is against: legalizing marijuana, same-sex marriages, explicit sex education in public schools and abortion.

-Palin is for: Alaska oil drilling, the right to bear arms and capital punishment.

-Palin doesn't believe that global warming is caused by man.

-Palin is also under investigation for improper behavior in her firing of the Alaska Public Safety Commissioner for refusing under her orders to fire an Alaska state trooper (who also just happened to be Palin's former brother-in-law) after he tasered his ten-year-old stepson during the course of a messy divorce from Palin's sister Molly.

-The latest news is that Palin's seventeen-year-old daughter is pregnant out of wedlock, but plans to marry the child's eighteen-year-old father. How long do you give that marriage, folks? A year? Maybe two?

The whole thing sounds like it would make a good David Lynch movie, doesn't it?

And what really ground my ass was seeing former Speaker of the House Newt Gingrich (who doggedly pursued Bill Clinton's impeachment for purely political reasons while himself being found guilty of a number of House ethics violations) discuss Palin's relative experience on television this past weekend. That moron claimed she had more experience with the military than either Obama or Biden because she had run the National Guard in Alaska for the past two years! Gingrich also claimed she would be good because as governor of Alaska, Palin had to balance a state budget, unlike Senators Obama and Biden. Did the dumb bastard forget that George W. Bush has had a little trouble with the accounting during his eight years in office?

To end his little Q&A session, Gingrich opined with a smile that Palin's journalism background was interesting because it was the first time a former sports reporter had ever been on the ticket for the White House. There's a reason for that, Newt. Sports reporters AREN'T QUALIFIED TO BE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES!

I don't want to sound bigoted myself, but if the 'Geezer and the Bimbo' triumph in November over Obama's promise of hope and progressive change... well, I just might move my dumb ass to Canada. I hear the beer is stronger over there.

This week's Craig's List Girl, Dannie claims no political affiliation, although she always thought former President Clinton was 'hot'. Working the Anchorage page, Dannie does top-notch GFE, MIA, DOA but no CIM or BBBJ. Check her ad for rates.